Monthly Archives: June 2009

Colors!

I came across this new iPhone app called Colors (yes, it's American) which is sort of a slightly better alternative to microsoft paint. Except that you have a lilliputian screen to work with as opposed to the 15 inches that you get on a laptop/desktop. Anyone who has worked on Paint knows that it is not exactly 'the killer painting software'. You cannot exactly use it to paint the Monalisa. But that's just you and me, because we suck so much. More talented people have gotten off their asses and done precise that. But that's paint. There is a mouse to work with and the huge screen means that your eyes won't look like the Sun with its corona going bat shit crazy once you are done with your job. But this is Colors. And it's on my phone. Nevertheless, hardly ever to be deterred by a lack of talent, I paid 5 bucks and downloaded the full version. And I have a headache now. Not that I have a masterpiece to show for all these hours. Here is what I painted before things became too complicated:

drop

As you can see it's very incomplete. The droplet looks bearable from a distance. But then almost everything looks bearable from a distance. I have noticed that almost every one looks like my roommate from a far enough distance so distance is not something that I should hide behind. If you can zoom in you would see that a lot of lines have been put just because I could not think of anything else to do. And they do not blend in with the surroundings. Part of the reason is the difficult pixellated control of the small screen but a major reason is my gaping inexperience in making colors blend. As I said I stopped at this point because things became too complicated for me. I have never painted anything in color before this so I have some very basic confusions. But hopefully a pig headed refusal to face one's own incompetence will help in clarifying a lot of those doubts. For now, it's a lot of fun and an interesting challenge.

Intersection

I stood still at the intersection, hands warm in the jacket's pocket, eyes trying to make forms out of vague apparitions in the inky darkness. It was past midnight and I could not decide which road I wanted to cross. So I decided to just stand there for a while, look at the traffic, and something more-but only if I get unlucky.

It's both an epic excercise in futility and complexity. Cars waltzing to the whims of an inductive loop, slowing, stopping, and moving as the night is painted crimson, red and green. Stretched over a large enough time, the repetitive nature of this excercise evokes an almost derisive smile. A shake of the head. A shrug of the shoulders at the robotic predictability of modern life. The grunt of the engine as it is restrained, its eager supplications, and the euphoric release-and the neon periodicity reflected over a blurred asphalt. I have driven cars on my share of solitary nights through my portion of deserted intersections. I have, on some of such occasions, wondered about the pedestrian who is seen crossing the road at such an hour-his motives and destinations hard to fathom. I have seen in him a pointlessness. I have often juxtaposed him against myself and felt bemused-purposefully sitting in my car, although temporarily stationary, my right foot is only waiting for the green signal. And then I'd leave him far far behind and when I'd be miles away crusing toward a purpose, a destination, he would have covered just a few steps. And the neon lights would be shining on his back, prodding him to move faster, coloring his shirt in stamps of uselessness.

Standing at the intersection, I was aware of both the roads. But I decided to just stay there for a while, look at the daubs of paints. In the background of lighted buildings, amidst the complexity of vague forms, reflected in false colors on the beguiling road, almost everything assumes the outlines of your desires. And you cannot make out the identity of things in this madhouse of impressionistic chiaroscuro, until you are certain of its lifelessness. Late night walkers move in elongated shadows and you can almost tread over their heads. Headlights shine rudely on your eyes just as you are trying to make a red spectrum correction. I stood there for almost an hour, trying to make out discernible figures in moving objects. I stood there, trying to identify the figure I did not want identified. Do you not walk at night these days? Or have you finally managed to blend in the background?

Rock Bottom

The other day I rode to the Harbor island with Rasia. It is a stretch of road along the SD harbor, lined with stones to keep the water at bay (there, water, I return your metaphor back.) There, sitting on the rampart lining the manicured ocean, looking at the naval botches on the fluid raiment, I became aware of one of my deepest sorrows. Staring intently at the horizon I said,

A: Dude, you know what disappoints me the most?

R: hmph (No.)

A: See all those huge stones, those heavy rocks?

R: hmph (Yes.)

A: One of my biggest disappointments in life is that I cannot pick most of them.

R: eh (?.)

He was looking at me sideways, waiting for me to realize that that's not a valid reason to be sad about and smiling in that incongruous, patronising manner which suggests that it' time you get your shit together and start making sense. I, on the other hand, was genuinely surprised that the sheer number of things-rocks and cars and trees and elephants- that are unpickable in this universe is not enough to make someone sad. Those huge things just sit there unblinking and unmoving, insulting your ego, challenging your resolve, smug in their cognizance of the fact that try as hard as you might, you won't have any displacement to show for your decreased energy. You walk in this world with a merry gait and a jolly hop, confident of the path, sure of the destiny, until you come across a rock, trip, and fall down. You look back and see one of their ilk-those vain little brats which won't move. That one single speck of niggling pig-headedness serves, unflichingly, as the very physical reminder of all that is massively bigger, heavier, taller, deeper, hotter, faster, stronger, sharper, and better than anything that you can personally deal with in nature. No wonder then, sitting on that harbor that day with so many of such rocks surrounding me in their immobile derision, I felt small.

I tried to pick a small one up but had massively underestimated its density. I tried to push it but it won't budge, and I thought-friction. There is a reason why friction was taught so late in our mechanics courses. Because it screws up an ideal world. That ideal world in which Newton dreamed of things which moved continuously until they were stopped and things which sat there until they were moved. Friction came along surreptitiously one day-and some of the things stopped budging. And a lot of them were rocks which looked at me with scorn as my toes dug deep in the ground. And the garden of eden of waltzing trees and pirouetting mountains and shimmying elephants coagulated into an inflexible mass of rigid proportions.

Am I being too pessimistic? Not really. I'm actually optimistic. I'm optimistic about the number of such unpickable things. I'm hugely optimistic. I'm deliriously optimistic. But then, language is such a whore... These chains of thoughts. I need to get some sleep.

Encomicum

It has happened to me more than once that upon asking someone from South India (collectively, humurosly, lovingly, and perhaps inappropriately known as Madrasi to Northies) about his childhood remembrances of the glories of such great men as Super Commando Dhruva, I was met with a gaping mouth, a confused gaze, and a general stammer indicating that my question was neither well understood nor well received. At such moments I generally look at the person with growing incomprehension and an increasing sympathy at a childhood spent without the fantastic presence of Super Commando Dhruva in it - a tragedy which should probably qualify as child abuse. Because you see, those ill drawn comics with their ridiculous storylines, gaudy antagonists, and misplaced speech bubbles constituted a carefree, frolicksome, even invigorating part of my life that was completely missing in any other medium of the day.

That was the time of sensible television. A time when TV shows not only did not suck on a universal scale, they even managed to be good and informative. Unlike the present crop of mind-melting, skin-evaporating mediocrity of general entertainment, the shows then were infinitely more sensible. But sensibility is hardly the seed of imagination. It's probably an impediment. So in an age when there weren't gazillion cable channels, when newspapers actually delivered sober, to-the-point news, when Bollywood was still writhing below miles of suffocating mediocrity, and when sport was just sport and not the athletic equivalent of a mardi gras parade high on coke as it is today, a young boy's imagination didn't have much to take refuge in except between the 32 sheets of colorful mindlessness. At Rs. 5 a copy, ecstacy didn't come cheap but it was atleast legal. And oh! how I loved the touch of a new comic. How I adored that laminated cover with those gripping images which were always specially drawn and were much much better than any that you could find inside. Not only could you not find images as good as the cover image, you could not even find anything inside the comic that bore any resemblance to the cover image. But I used to love those laminated covers and I can still remember the steely touch of those two staple pins which bound the comic together and stood out like welcome, sweet pangs of pains in a smooth life full of happiness. I knew that they would come to signify the 16th page, the page of destiny in many ways - that is the page that is destined to be opened if you hold the comic on its edge and let go, and that is the page where things start getting really complicated.

I often tried to delay the actual reading of the comic for as long as possible, forever scrutinizing the images on the front cover and reading the junk on the back. But once inside, I let myself drown in the hurricanesque bombardment of crazy ideas, thinly held plots, highly strung storylines, amphetamined dialogue, and grotesque characters. It was a world where men were probably born with six-packs and where ladies routinely gave Barbara Millicent Roberts a run for her money. In a highly conservative society like ours at the time, it was surprising to see how much tittilation went unaccounted for in a comic book meant for children. In our generation's appropriately less neurotic attitude towards sex, I wonder if a small contribution was made somewhere in those pages; because there was hardly another outlet.

There was an abundance of violence too but it was too ridiculous to be taken seriously. Unlike the comic books of Japanese and American origin, ours never managed to scare. Even the action ones were essentially happy and never made me feel gloomy. It meant that while on one hand I could always be assured that the good guys would win in the end and that their paths, although torturous and bloody, would never be dark and realistic enough to affect me negatively, on the other, those comics failed to speak in an entire language of human emotions. In fact, one of the very few imaginative failures of those comics, like the failure of Bollywood on a much more universal and sustained scale, was their assertion that good guys always win in the end-an assertion that is not only wrong in real life but also a huge creativity jammer, an unnecessary, restrictive assumption.

Western comics, while much more sophisticated and imaginative on the scale of ideas and plots and dialogue and drawing, fail to match the brilliance of the Indian superhero. One reason for this is a pig headed refusal on the part of the Indian comic artist to acknowledge the existence of anything akin to the laws of nature. While his Nagaraj can produce snakes from his wrists without being apologetic and explanatory about his past, Spider man cannot produce so much as a thread of web without having to explain his trip to a museum and the structure of DNA. Since we as readers have chosen to be more gullible, they as artists have chosen to be more imaginative. Their imagination manifested itself in whackier and whackier characters unless the logical evolutionary endpoint was reached in Chacha Chaudhry whose power, despite what the comic would have you believe, was controlling coincidences. Chacha Chaudhary, despite his benign and almost stupid facade, was nothing less than an evolutionary singularity. Once you start controlling coincidence, you start questioning the very basis of our language, our ideas, our knowledge and civilization. There is nothing in the western comics which rivals his bad-assery.

I miss those innocent little nuggets of dreams. I'm almost led to frown upon the things which keep the average child occupied today. But I'm also aware of the eternal folly of it. Childhood, by virtue of its irrevocable loss and foggy distance, is automatically nostalgic. And it sweetens the associated memories out of proportions. Years from now, I'm sure, the dark, humid, smarmy nights spent playing War of Warcraft will be spoken off in words as laced in maudlin nostalgia by today's 12 year olds as those with which I remember the 32 paged respite.

Federer captures French

In the small hours of today, Federer clinched the biggest prize.

Three years ago, on the morning of June 11 2006, I wrote: "It's 5:31 in the morning and I am sitting in front of the TV having just woken up after an extremely intermittent sleep waiting for the french open final between federer and nadal which is slated to begin in another 30 minutes..."

Three years hence, I got up again at 5:30, hoping to watch Federer achieve what he hasn't been able to for the last three years. All those red eyed, bad breathed, crumpled hair mornings; only to witness Federer getting bulldozed under the bludgeoning Nadal biceps. All that excitement and nervousness only to see him getting crushed over the crushed red brick. But he did it finally. He won the French Open and became the 6th person in history to win all 4 slams, tying in the process, Pete Sampras' record of the highest number of career slams. He didn't have Nadal on the other end but it doesn't matter. While it made things much easier for him, as they say in french - C'est la vie. The greatness of Federer lies as much in his sublime play as in his ability of not getting beaten by arbitrary players at arbitrary stages of a grand slam. To tie his claim to greatness to Nadal's consistency is just unfair. After all, saying that Nadal's presence in the final would have prevented him from winning the French open isn't too far from conjecturing that his absence would have meant Federer winning 3-4 additional French opens. So there we are. After 3 years of my intense support, Federer has finally delivered on what he seemed to promise every time. And I'm happy and relieved, and sleepy.

Good job Fed. To me, you were always the greatest player ever based on your sheer mindboggling abilities but the skeptics need facts and figures. Their mouths are dry and their throats parched until they are fed the global maximas of a statistical plot. Without the numerics of standard deviations and outlying means, your simple brilliance with the racquet was the sonorous sounds of a sonata in vacuum. You have finally infused it with a medium. And I know how much it meant to you. The meanings were dripping down your cheek, for the world to see. Congrats!

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