Peace

If one believes as I do in the essential randomness of life, in its inherent lack of value, I wonder if trying to attain a deep level of peace and a lack of complexity can then not be taken as a worthy goal in itself. I think everyone would take it with arms spread if they could manage it and I think almost everyone fails miserably at achieving it. In a certain philosophical sense it may be said that people fear of it getting too peaceful and yet disdain the dual of peace which is complexity. They are afraid of being left alone and yet cannot stand those that they find themselves among. This is a curious predicament. There is a deep dread of achieving what one truly wants and a deep discontent, in many little ways, of what one has.

I feel that the discontent arises because in a sense the level of complexity that exists in the world muddles up our own sense of self worth, tying it to other people, the standards of others, and a whole cornucopia of other things. Almost none of it is in an individual's control and, more importantly, there is a sinking realization that although most of these external agencies should have no business defining oneself in a deep personal way, they eventually end up doing so. And I feel that the dread of peace arises precisely because this is the only reality that we have all been taught. To derive meaning from external agencies. To let them define us. Take them away and our self worth plummets because we were never told how to cultivate it in vacuum.

I think it is possible to achieve a measure of peace in this world, despite the worst intentions of those who'd rather see us fail and, more importantly, despite the best intentions of those who love and care for us, of those who want us to succeed. I think ultimately the question of finding meaning and self worth is a superfluous question, merely a means to an end. It would vanish as an important question precisely when one is able to find an answer to it in vacuum.