Review: Ultraviolet

Once in a century, a movie comes along and kicks so much ass that the critics worldwide have their face rocked off permanently. Such a movie makes such a huge mockery of established notions of good movie making like story, acting etc. that the critics are just not able to grapple with the possibility that conventional wisdom might have become too arcane to accomodate revolutionary ideas. They wince at the brilliance which pokes at their own limited competence, they sulk at the genius they never could amass, feel jealous at their own limited comprehension of the genius of the movie and go home and write scathing comments over the lack of conventional wisdom that the movie seems to have in spades. Well, this movie is not one of those.

For starters, I am outlining the following points which elevates the movie to the realm of the avant garde:

1. No coherent story whatsoever. Oooooo, what was it ? A fight between humans and homopheagus ? A boy named "six" ? A girl named "violet" ? A movie named "ultraviolet" ? And none of them seem to have any connection between them. What was that antigen you were talking about ? And the anti-antigen ? Do these words mean anything or are they just ramifications of the director's brain wirings gone wrong ? I could have done with a bit more explanation.

2. Lack of credible acting. I am inclined to say that the best actors were those who had already died but then I think that all those inanimate objects like the furniture, guns, dresses had far more character than the movie's most seasoned actors.

Just based on the above two points, you would think that I hated the movie but you could not be farther from the truth. The truth is that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It had all the points which really matter in a good movie and it had them in spades. Cases in point;

1. A very attractive lady.

2. A very attractive lady dressed in very attractive dresses.

3. A very attractive lady dressed in very attractive dresses stomping incomprehensible amount of human ass.

4. Atleast 45,000 people killed at the hands of the very attractive lady dressed in a very attractive dress.

5. The very attractive lady driving motorcycles, cars, stomping over choppers, wielding fancy guns, and swords and lasers and dodging bullets, and passing smartass comments.

6. A kid constantly being reprimanded by the very attractive lady for no fault of his.

7. Crazy gadgets everywhere. By crazy I do not mean, the CIA wireless crap. I mean so crazy, the next time you meet Pierce Brosnan in person, you would slap him just for playing with toys at his age.

You see, what else do you need for a great movie. I can only say, Milla Jovovich is a professional butt kicker. She did it in Resident Evil. She more than does it in Ultraviolet.

Running Time: Who keeps track of time when there is so much stuff happening on screen.
Precautionary Measures: Don't watch it if you want to see a movie for good acting or good story. Watch it only if you are bored from the monotonicity of life and want to see some serious kickery elaborately spiced with loads of "Dude!" attitude.

3 observations on “Review: Ultraviolet
  1. nitin

    ye to lagta hai dekhni padegi! ucsdbollywood mein tumhari ye saari movies bhi add kar di jaayein 🙂
    btw, movie ka naam "ultraviolet" nahi hai, balki "ultraviolet - the blood war is on" hai. Yo man!

  2. Ankit

    Yo man! The blood war is on !!! Movie ki punchline hai:

    "In the final days of mankind when the greatest war is on, she will be the one who will save everyone"

    Now, tell me, it doesn't kick ass :)...


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